open post.

[higginbottom]

Esther has, well, only sort of gotten used to the Mansion and its ways. She's still frustrated by being stuck there - after all, she survived almost dying. Doesn't she deserve something better than a small room with a small window?

Still, she's thankful to be alive. One morning, when she opens her window and looks out over the Mansion grounds, the air comes in, shockingly cold, and Esther remembers - she's here, alive and awake and ready for anything. She breathes in and out, and sighs with a sort of strange contentment that probably won't last long, but hey. She'll take it.

She gets dressed, wearing slacks for once (she decided to try it out, as she is in fact, a very modern woman, thank you very much) and a pretty floral blouse. She makes her way downstairs, her saddle shoes tap-tap-tapping against the stairs.

"I feel very much in a good mood today," Esther announces, to no one in particular. "Is that strange? Should I be worried?"

Comments

[higginbottom]

"Oh, hello!" She grins as she spots Sagramore. "I'm doing well. How're you?"

[sagramore]

"I'm well, I'm well, I'm glad to see you. You've settled in?"

[higginbottom]

"For the most part, yes," Esther replies. "It still feels a little strange being here, but I'm starting to like it."

[sagramore]

"Oh, that's splendid." Indeed, it's a relief. "You've chosen a room and found the kitchens and all of that?"

[higginbottom]

"I have, though I really think my room is a touch small," Esther admits, sounding a little sheepish. She feels silly complaining, even a little, but still. "And I've found that I really enjoy cooking for myself here. It can be fun!"

[sagramore]

"Oh, a remarkable pleasure, especially when you have a boy who likes to do the dishes."

[higginbottom]

"I'm finding myself...I'm finding I'm mostly happy here," Esther replies. "It's a strange feeling, honestly. For so long I was sad."

She shrugs.

"I guess it doesn't matter now, how I felt then."

[sagramore]

"It does matter," gently. "What shapes thee matters."

[higginbottom]

"You think so?" she asks, genuinely and softly. "I sort of wish it didn't."

[sagramore]

"I can understand that. I'm still trying to make a new shape that suits me."

[higginbottom]

"Isn't it hard, trying to be...something different? I mean, I know myself, but then again, here there are so many possibilities. What do you do with that?"

For so long, Esther's life felt so constrained. Now that it's not, it's both liberating and terrifying.

[sagramore]

"It's extraordinarily hard," Sagramore says. After all, he's struggling with it too -- who he was, who he is, whether there are parts worth keeping. "What are you thinking about?"

[higginbottom]

There's a pause before she answers.

"I--I was very sick, um, before I came here," she says quietly. "Not sick physically, but...psychologically. It feels like that's all of who I am. I don't want to feel that way."

[sagramore]

"Ah," softly. "I think I understand that, actually." He's physically sick too, of course, but the ways in which he's been closed down and self-protective before he came here do seek like a psychological sickness sometimes.

"If thou shouldst like to speak on it, now or ever, I won't mind."

[higginbottom]

"That's really nice of you. Maybe I'll take you up on the offer sometime," Esther replies, biting her lip a little. "I'm...I'm working through it, I think."

[sagramore]

"When thou art ready. There's no hurry."

[higginbottom]

"Thanks," she replies, attempting a small, tentative smile. "I'm getting better, I hope."

[sagramore]

"I think we all are."

[higginbottom]

"I think you might be right."